Hideous Helga brings reinforcements...

And I thought I was joking about how much I had upset Hideous Helga the doorkeeping Nazi ! When I arrived with Emily and Charlotte at 2 mins to 7pm last night, I discovered that not only were there several people waiting at the door and that no one was being allowed in until exactly 7pm, but that there were 2 uniformed police officers at the door. Our prospects of sneaking all those extra visitors in were not looking good.

I never did discover what they were doing there, they had gone by the time I left, but our plan to sneak the visitors in while creating a false impression of coming and going seemed to work like a dream. At one point, we had 7 people in Helen's room (but no Helen, who had gone to the loo)when there was a knock at the door. Silent routine was immediately instigated, the kids went under the bed, my sister disguised herself as a plant stand by holding a big vase of flowers in front of her face, Claire concealed her top half at least behind the curtains at the window, my brother in law tucked himself behind the door and held the lever shut that operates the blinds on the door window which might allow the ward Nazis to see who was in the room. You could tell he has had special forces training. I opened the door just wide enough to see who was there. It was Ellie (the ward assistant ?), wanting Helen's menu request for the next 24 hours. I looked around in panic and gestured for anyone to pass it to me quickly so I did not have to let her in. There was no immediate response so I told her that I would bring it to her shortly. She seemed satisfied by that response and went away.

When Helen returned, it turned out that she did not have a menu, so I went out to find Ellie only to be accosted by the ward sister when Ellie turned out to be busy. I told her that Helen did not have a menu. The ward sister said she would bring one - oh God NO ! She would be bound to discover us all in the room. Some persistent loitering in the corridor near the coffee machine saved the day and I was able to intercept the arrival of the menu and take it into the room myself.

Even then, we almost brought disaster on ourselves. I read out the menu choices to Helen and managed to cause near hysteria in the room. I think it was "Cheese and Potato Pie" followed by "Cheese & Potato Pie (liquidised)" in the list of choices that set them off, but after that everything in the list seemed to engender some form of giggled response or witticism, the choice with "(Softs)" after it broke the floodgates and everyone was clutching their sides (except Helen who was clutching her tummy because it does not only hurt when she laughs, but it does hurt more when she laughs). I was laughing so much by the end that I had tears streaming down my face - a not unusual occurrence this week, albeit for a different reason.

Anyway we pulled it off and at 8pm they all left without anyone having to be ejected.

Helen, Molly and I then passed 2 hours in relative peace and quiet together, which was lovely, but would have been much nicer at home. Molly had a jolly good feed and filled a couple of nappies.

Helen is obviously feeling much better because she is beginning to show signs of going 'stir crazy' and is very keen to escape from Colditz as soon as possible. I have been appointed head of the escape committee and have been assessing the options. Tunneling looks difficult because we are on the second floor and there are few materials available to build a glider, plus I am not sure that the second floor would be high enough - the real Colditz was perched high up on a rock with tall towers, as I recall.

I am sure we will come up with something.

Our friends from NCT, Libby and Alan, are apparently going to have their baby induced today. We wish them the best of luck. I am sure that Helen and I must have used up the all the bad luck, complications and unusual medical procedures so that the law of averages should mean that the rest of our group will have an easy time. Please keep all appropriate parts of your anatomies appropriately crossed for Alan, Libby and their baby. I will tell you when you can uncross them by a further post once their baby has been born.

If anyone feels like visiting Helen this afternoon 3-5pm, they are very welcome to do so as I shall not be there then and I know she would prefer to have company. Drop me a line or call me if you think you can make it.

Oops, better get on, much to do before I go to the hospital this morning...