Guess where we spent Saturday afternoon...

Not at Home Park, watching the football obviously. Nor did we spend the afternoon perambulating with Molly around the sales. No, we thought we might pay a little trip to Wycombe General A&E to see if they were all missing us down there.

Helen's pain had become excruciating by then so that she was finding moving around really difficult. Luckily, no acting skills were required to persuade the triage nurse that Helen should be seen straight away. We managed the round trip in a disappointingly quick 2 hours 30 mins. Last time we went (after Helen's skiing accident) we arrived at 10.30 pm and were not seen until 4.30 am and did not leave the hospital until about 6.30am.

The doctor who examined Helen seemed to think that there was unlikely to be anything seriously wrong and that what she really needed was a jolly good smack or some jolly good smack (ok not smack, but industrial strength painkillers). The trick was going to be finding a painkiller that was strong enough but could be combined with breastfeeding. I think it was the A&E equivalent of 'take a couple of aspirin and if it is not better in the morning, give me another call'. His attempts to explain the cause(s) of the pain were not very impressive. As he suggested each one, he gave at least one reason why he thought it was probably not the cause. The only one not ruled out was "a surfeit of lampreys", but since no one has suffered from this since Henry I and since Helen is no gourmand when it comes to lampreys, this seemed highly improbable to me.

So we came away with a bottle of Myers' Snake Oil, some Tincture of Grimwort, a poultice made of old chicken skin and mercury and a small selection of other products from the Kickapoo Indian Medicine Company. Miraculously, they seem to have done the job and have at least masked the pain until it either goes away or become really serious. The doctor was most emphatic that we should come back if her eyes or other orifices began to bleed or if any bits fell off her body.

The puppies are back ! They are full of beans and it is only a matter of time before we find them curled up in the crib with Molly. We have not yet completely banned them from the bedroom where the crib is, but the nursery is still and will remain a No Go Zone. You could imagine how much fun they could have with a bag full of dirty nappies. As avid readers will know, they have previous form for emptying bin bags so a nappy sack is likely to prove irresistible. My sister and some of our friends are taking them out for a long walk this morning so that they will only want to lie in front of the fire and sleep when they return - assuming they can push me out of the way.